Thursday, January 13, 2011

I dreamed I had the key to the universe!

The title is true, last night I dreamed that I found the answer to the universe. I had the key right in my hand. I walked around, no not walked, strutted, in my dream for a few minutes knowing that I KNEW. This morning I woke up, rolled over and remembered that I knew it.... 

Remembered that I knew it, not what it was. DAMNIT!!! so close.

For many many days (almost two years) I have been trying desperately to figure out what I want from my life. I have thrown out about seventy billion adjectives and verbs, a few nouns and maybe even some adverbs, but none of them seem to lead me to the place I REALLY want to be. 
Through my goings over of past choices that have led me to this place (A pretty nice driveway (as driveways go) in Austin TX) I realized that I had what I wanted the whole time. 

AND that what I wanted IS the key to my universal happiness. 

Simply put, I want the most amazing journey that I can possibly pack into one lifetime.

Many great philosophers have noted that (paraphrasing here, obviously) it is in the downtime that one achieves greatness. Buddha sat under a tree for six days doing (from the outside perspective at least) nothing. When he finally stood up, aside from his overwhelming hunger pangs he had found total enlightenment. I'm not looking for that necessarily but I am looking to see what life can hand me, and if at this point it is only cold boredom with looming poverty and no end in sight, so be it. 

For the past two years I have been living on the edge. No job, no prospects, no goals, no money, no responsibilities that I feel compelled to give attention to. No commitments, no obligations (social or otherwise) and though there are fleeting moments of crippling fear and overwhelming panic those moments are more rare these days. 

We, as human beings seem to take up most of our time trying to figure out right from wrong. We need to make sure we are right more often than not We need to insure to ourselves that even if we're not right, at least we're less wrong than that guy. What if there is no such thing? What if every single human being on the planet is living in their own perfection, every choice is perfect for them, and if it effects us, the effect is also perfect. 

No rights, no wrongs. Well that frees up about 90% of everyone's schedule. Of course now there is a boredom epidemic... Reality television will have to be canceled and  most major religions too. We could probably do okay as a human race without those though.

Maybe this morning when I woke up from the dream I didn't actually forget the key to the universe after all. 
*High Five*

Thanks for joining me, Zia Sophia as I take on the key to the universe!

YAY! I'm back in!!!

For inexplicable reasons my blog locked me out for the last two weeks. I guess whatever I was going to write was going to be worthless, so the universe, in all infinite wisdom just barred me. Thank you?
Anyway, I have started working for ChaCha again. That means that I answer any question under the sun for approximately ten cents. My favorite question yesterday was "Can you fingerbang somebody to death?" The job definitely gives me a small slice of America that otherwise I would be blind to. Also, it pays me less than a dollar an hour, so I get the bonus lesson of realizing how hard t would be to live on the salary of the person who made my converse sneakers. Bonuses are good. 

The boyfriend and I have officially spent too much time in our tiny home together. Everything that once was charming about either of us has now  become horrible and disgusting. I am honestly amazed that we made it this long without committing to a suicide pact, or some sort of murder/suicide ritual. We must REALLY like each other. 
In order to alleviate the not-enough-personal-space-strain I am going to Dallas to spend time with my brother and his family for about a week. I've found that there's nothing better for remembering that your life is great than spending time in someone else's reality.  Plus, they have a pool. 
They also have heat, which I am sad to say we are out of right now. There was a cold snap (doesn't that make it sound like a refrigerator cookie) and last night when I went to check the levels I found a giant red E starting at me from the propane level indicator. It seems that in order to avoid death and cold snaps, Dallas is the best choice. 

I put up ads on Craigslist last night. One asking for money or a job or both in the "wanted" section and one posting my skills in the "resume" section. In both of the ads I talked about needing money, in the form of charity or employment so that I could turn the heat back on and be able to cook food and things. A few people offered me money or jobs. I was stoked that something finally gave and I was going to get a job as a personal assistant or nanny or housekeeper. I talked a bit more about myself to them, answered questions and stuff and was feeling great. Until I realized that the man who wanted a personal assistant wanted a "personal" assistant, to assist with erections... The person who wanted a nanny wanted a "nanny" and the only child he has is his own inner child who's been a bad, bad boy. Last but certainly not least there was the housekeeper position. He actually did want me to clean his house, naked. He said,  "There may, from time to time be something else that needs a spit shine too, if you know what I mean" WHAT?!?

So, I make less of a living wage than the children in Chinese sweatshops, answering stranger's questions and I have no heat and no way to cook food and my only job prospects involve "spit shining" if you know what I mean... It's really kind of hilarious. 

Oh yeah, and I have an Etsy store, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Oliver Roscoe who is 5 today!!!!!!!
Join me next time as I Zia Sophia take on the open road to Dallas TX.