The title is true, last night I dreamed that I found the answer to the universe. I had the key right in my hand. I walked around, no not walked, strutted, in my dream for a few minutes knowing that I KNEW. This morning I woke up, rolled over and remembered that I knew it....
Remembered that I knew it, not what it was. DAMNIT!!! so close.
For many many days (almost two years) I have been trying desperately to figure out what I want from my life. I have thrown out about seventy billion adjectives and verbs, a few nouns and maybe even some adverbs, but none of them seem to lead me to the place I REALLY want to be.
Through my goings over of past choices that have led me to this place (A pretty nice driveway (as driveways go) in Austin TX) I realized that I had what I wanted the whole time.
AND that what I wanted IS the key to my universal happiness.
Simply put, I want the most amazing journey that I can possibly pack into one lifetime.
Many great philosophers have noted that (paraphrasing here, obviously) it is in the downtime that one achieves greatness. Buddha sat under a tree for six days doing (from the outside perspective at least) nothing. When he finally stood up, aside from his overwhelming hunger pangs he had found total enlightenment. I'm not looking for that necessarily but I am looking to see what life can hand me, and if at this point it is only cold boredom with looming poverty and no end in sight, so be it.
For the past two years I have been living on the edge. No job, no prospects, no goals, no money, no responsibilities that I feel compelled to give attention to. No commitments, no obligations (social or otherwise) and though there are fleeting moments of crippling fear and overwhelming panic those moments are more rare these days.
We, as human beings seem to take up most of our time trying to figure out right from wrong. We need to make sure we are right more often than not We need to insure to ourselves that even if we're not right, at least we're less wrong than that guy. What if there is no such thing? What if every single human being on the planet is living in their own perfection, every choice is perfect for them, and if it effects us, the effect is also perfect.
No rights, no wrongs. Well that frees up about 90% of everyone's schedule. Of course now there is a boredom epidemic... Reality television will have to be canceled and most major religions too. We could probably do okay as a human race without those though.
Maybe this morning when I woke up from the dream I didn't actually forget the key to the universe after all.
Thanks for joining me, Zia Sophia as I take on the key to the universe!