Cabbage or Sperm?

I have come down with baby fever with which I have been suffering for many months now, the temperature increases each month when I lose another viable egg. I never really noticed how utterly surrounded I am by people who do not create sperm.
And, it is REALLY hard to find sperm on the internet.
I looked on Ebay but all they had was pills to make sperm more potent.
On Craigslist there was a lonely man in a hotel looking for a "fuck fest", but he didn't have a picture posted so I couldn't mentally paste our faces together to see if our baby would be cute, oh yeah and it's probably sketchy to meet a stranger in a Motel 6.
Amazon linked me to a Halloween costume so that I could dress like sperm...

Really?

What ever happened to picking a baby out of a cabbage patch?